An Inconsistent Legacy

Hey everyone, how are you doing?

Mid-December already, eh? As you may know if you’ve been reading this blog (or the last one), but I get very reflective around Christmas.

This year, I’ve been even more pensive than usual. While I’ll be doing my usual blog about everything that happened this year, I’ve been thinking a lot about my legacy.

It’s weird to say it out loud (or type it), because at the age of 30, does anyone know what their legacy will be? I’m finding myself thinking more about what it is so far. I’m an open book with plenty of empty pages, as silly as that may sound, but after three decades on this Earth I’ve got plenty to look back on.

The truth is that I’ve reinvented myself, either intentionally or subconsciously, so many times over the years. I went from being a bit of a loner to a social butterfly as I grew comfortable around people, for example.

I’ve also been kind of a dickat times. It’s hard not to look back on memories and cringe at how I handled certain situations, how I spoke to people, or how I treated those closest to me.

I suppose the fact that I’m cringing now, rather than doubling down on questionable decisions, is a sign of personal growth – but every now and then I find myself staring at the ceiling and wishing I could turn back the years and ensure things played out differently.

I mean, it’s not like I killed anyone, and I’m very happy in life now, but when I think back to friendships that ended for the most pointless of reasons or relationships where I was too headstrong and helped turn things pretty nasty at times, I wonder how I’ll be remembered.

Will I be remembered as the affable idiot? The class clown? The person you wish you’d never met? Or as the devoted Dad and (one day) husband that did his best for his family?

Am I the only person that asks these kinds of questions? Maybe, but after a hell of a year that’s provided us all with nothing but time for months at a time, I doubt I’m the only one feeling contemplative.

Anyway, that’s all the musings I have for today, but I’ll be talking about 2020 as a whole in the coming days.

Big love,

L x